The Patriot is a trophy wife, sexy on the outside with lackluster emptiness oozing from within. She's going to marry you and make you look good hanging on your arm but in the end she'll cut your brakes to collect on your life insurance policy.
The Patriot is the Earl Manigault of disc golf courses. If you don't know who that is my point has been made.
The Patriot is Nigerian mail fraud, poisoned Halloween candy and every touched up photo gracing a magazine cover.
It had all the ingredients for greatness, the supporting cast to grow up right and cure cancer and then...... and then it was Schwarzed.
Schwarzed is a wooded fairway that belongs in any new Shamalylan flick. The twist is dumb and leaves you puzzled.
Schwarzed is a par 3 where the only option is getting a 3; anything else means you screwed up your short wide open upshot.
Schwarzed is so wide open even though he thinks he made an obstacle... or so impossible because he figured hey its wide open.
Schwarzed is an engima wrapped in a steaming pile of dog... you get the picture.
(All references to shots in this portion are in accordance with my right handed bias) (I'm also assuming for references to blue pads that blue level players and up can throw around 400'.)
Hole 1: Like I said this is a good starting hole, it's open but not too open. Makes you choose a line and gives you one to warm up on while starting your round off with a bird... or not starting off with a bird and falling behind the pack.
Hole 2: It's nearly Imdingdongpossible to get your disc all the way to the basket down the intended fairway from the blue tees. You'd have to throw the most perfect flipup hyzer of your life executed so perfectly it would make your prom dates panties fall off in the past on prom night.
There is a completely unintended more pure hyzer possibility if you go through a tiny Y gap and then thread a needle. Good Luck.
The red tee is a little putter anny, decent hole.
Hole 3: From the blues you can try to punch a 380' slightly downhill laser beam with a slight fade under a low overhang and risk hitting it, or getting caught up on the left, in the name of maybe hitting the gap in the woods 350' down and having a look at bird. OR... you can just throw a hyzer around that and maybe get through the trees for a look and hey if you don't there's no risk you're definitely getting a 3.
Hole 4: OMG look at that daunting giant gap I'll definitely hit as I throw out in to a wide open field where I'll then crest a little hill pick up my disc and throw an almost completely lackluster challenge-less approach shot another 100' or so to a basket so barely tucked in the woods it might as well be out here in the wide open as well.
Russellvision: 'Hmm I could back this pad up in the woods more to make the drive more challenging and I could push the basket in to the woods more to make the approach halfway somewhat possibly interesting but screw that I don't get paid by the hour.'
Hole 5: I think he thinks those trees on the right of the blue tee actually prevent you from hyzering.... they don't. Feel free to throw whatever shot you desire 400' because it's wide open.
....to be fair they planted some trees near the basket so in the future you might hit one and have to make like a 40' putt. Woe is you.
The red tee on this hole is also wide open and 243'. Wake me up when Schwarzember ends.
Hole 6: ... yes I'm going to do this for every crappy hole; quit now if you want this is more for me than for you anyway.
Hole 6: This is where it gets special, this is where all those years of design experience shine through. The blue is a 438' (plays around 380') downhill shot where at about 400' you're asked to hit a tiny little gap that cuts diagonally to the right inside of a treeline. Not only is hitting that gap unlikely on a consistent basis, if you do happen to kick off a tree or fade left you're going farther down-in to an ethereal abyss of briar and swampnasty. Somebody on your card will end up there and you'll probably be called to go help him find his disc in that muck and at that point you'll know you've been Schwarzed.
Russellvision: 'Hey I can cut the gap earlier in to the treeline and make the hole 50/50 wooded/open thus taking the swampnasty out of the picture, or even possibly just cutting a notch in the woods and not making you hit a ridiculous gap but insert whatever insanity he uses as logic'
Hole 7:
http://rs1268.pbsrc.com/album...b843.jpg~c200
it's cute enough to keep you going and also lets you know how dumb this hole is.
the red tee is at least possible but equally as (reclick link if neccesary)
Hole 8: I actually think this is a good hole. Throw uphill, maneuver an overhang, hit a gap and fade in to the basket. Solid hole here Russ.
Hole 9: .... annnnnnnnnddddddd she gone. This could be one of the best holes in NC. You COULD be sitting on the tee tucked 100' down in the woods looking up a rolling hill out of a gap that goes out in to the open. You COULD be pureing that gap with a shot that flies just over 300' to crest the hill and you COULD be following that shot up with a now downhill shot that goes another 100' before you have to hit another gap going back in to the woods down and over a small valley where the basket could sit on the far side on what appears to be a really sweet possible green area....
INSTEAD you're 30' in the woods with a gap that makes it pointless to even be in the woods because you can throw a soft hyzer/fade shot right out of it to a basket 350' away in the complete wide open.
This is where I knew he blew it on a scale I didn't even know was possible. This is where I knew Innova must not even care what he puts up in their name because he's done it for years and this backalley columbian nip/tuck is his magnum opus.
Hole 10: Hey there's some woods with some sweet elevation change maybe throw in a wooded ho.... NO GIANT 400' HYZER AROUND THE CORNER GO!
Hole 11: Hey there's some other awesome elevation change and woah is that water? NO POINTLESS WIDE OPEN PAR 4. THROW IT ANYWHERE ABOUT 400' OUT AND THEN APPROACH ANOTHER 100' TO A BASKET THAT COULD BE TUCKED IN THE WOODS WITH A DROP-OFF BEHIND IT BUT INSTEAD ITS JUST ON THE EDGE OF THE WOODS AND ITS TIME FOR MY MEDICATION.
Hole 12: This is where he figured every lefty ever should get revenge for 5 holes straight. Now I'm not saying this particular hole is a lefty hole, I'm just saying it doesn't hurt to be lefty on this 480' straight shot with a gap a little over halfway in which if you fade left you go in to the shit and if you fade right you're in the wide wide open. Unless you throw 450' daggers good luck getting inside the circle.
The red tee actually isn't that bad all things considered.
Hole 13: Hey see this 10' wide gap with an overhang. Hit it from about 280' away and then fade right for another 60'. Or just throw a dumb hyzer in to the trees and even if you don't get through you'll have a pretty easy 3... I feel like I said that before.
Hole 14: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. cough cough hack hack HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hole 15: 400' slight anny. I actually like this hole in a vacuum, especially if they can plant some more trees on the back end. However on this course it's one more shot most people can't accomplish which means most people will end up with a boring wide open short approach and a 3.
Hole 16: It's the exact same shot except 60' longer and this time you can only have a wide open boring short approach shot if you land anywhere on the left side of the basket.
Hole 17: Yes this is almost over and yes that's exactly how I felt when I got to this hole. Again in a vacuum this could be a good hole. It just needs some more obstacles near the tee. Basically the only challenge is hitting a gap 20' from the pin on a 366' wide open hole.
Hole 18: Holy Cow a good wooded hole... and it's a par 4... throw down a defined fairway fade just a bit then approach through more tunnel with OB looming on the left if you fade out to early or kick off that way.... IT'S A GOOD HOLE HALLELUJAH1111... why doesn't caps lock make numbers caps?
The entire time you're dealing with all of that nonsense you see just absolute potential all around you. You see where each amazing hole could of gone and then you play what is there. It's almost like ball golf hired Russell to discourage us.
It's an epic failure in a time when the term epic is overused. If I lived near here I'd be asking for a redesign asap. This place has 4.5 potential and if you play a mixed tee layout it's a 3 tops. I'm not even going to give a 3 because of how awful it made me feel inside. He made it hard to enjoy the beautiful atmosphere of this park the design was so terrible. I should of just checked out the war memorial and left.....
but those signs... and those pads... they're great. 5 STARS!!!!!!
Somebody stop him, he's ruining NC disc golf, especially in the Triad. At what point do you Triad people say no thanks Russ we got it? I know you probably don't have a lot of control over it but start writing your P&R departments now, tell them to kick this guy, literally. This could be the crown jewel of the area and instead you got curb stomped.
Drops Mic.... rushes over to see if Mic is okay because I'll probably review a Russ gem again.
May the Schwarzed never be with you.
PS... if you do go play it I recommend the following mixed layout in an attempt to help you not want to punch something.
1B, 2R, 3R, 4B, 5B, 6R, 7R, 8B, 9B, 10R, 11R, 12R, 13B, 14R, 15B, 16R, 17B, 18B.