hawgdriver
Eagle Member
I have a buddy I play with a good bit. He can be pretty intense. When he misses putts or has a bad round, he often gets sharply negative. Like we all do. Sometimes his anger boils over. Like all of us.
Most of the time we both look at it as an exercise in mental toughness. Don't let the mistakes get you down. Don't give in to self-pity. Don't ... give in.
Well the other day we played a round and I lost my **** a little bit. Went from CTP birdie look on a spiky hilltop pin placement to a six-putt quad. Went from best score to not-so-best score.
I ran my birdie putt instead of laying up, this was a mistake that lead to the big score. Whatevs, be aggressive, right? Walking off the tee, another dude on the card said "you gonna run that?" and I said "f no". I knew the correct answer, and I think I was a bit frustrated that I allowed myself to sacrifice winning the card for the sake of aggressiveness.
Ok. So the birdie miss trickles to a 15-20' straight uphill par bid.
This is when supportive card-mate says "you got this man, you live for this" kind of an inside joke, some banter, etc. But I was irritated with the missed birdie putt, the bad kick, lack of sleep, unexplained planetary day shortening, whatever. So when I hear this supportive talk, and I really just want to sink this putt and move on, I get irritated.
The exact mental transaction is "dude, I don't actually want you throwing expectations on me and driving some personal narrative because you need to hear yourself talk right now, could you please s t f u? This is hard enough as it is to focus on this damned tasked of emptying my mind prior to throwing this stupid f'in circle into this basket."
And I don't want to hold up the card, I was CTP and everyone else laid up and picked up their disc. I just had to clean up my birdie miss. It was a routine putt that I make 95% of the time--I'm regarded an exceptionally good putter in certain circles.
So I don't take a minute to clear my mind, and I fire my putt while still miffed at my buddy's chatter. I'm pretty certain it's well-meaning, but no one else I play with is always delivering little pep talks as I'm trying to relax, empty, and focus on making a putt. What's his deal?
Now, as I write this I'm aware how it comes across. I was cranky af. That's just a fact. My buddy was being supportive.
So then we go to the bogey attempt. My par bid hit chains but rolled down the other side of the hill. Now I've got a long comebacker, and this is when I tend to dig deep and just shut the world out and handle my business.
This is when my buddy goes into extended pep talk mode. As I'm behind the marker, eyeing the basket with disc in hand. Paraphrasing, "alright dude, you got this. Just mumble mumble (trying to tune him out) happy noises. We're very supportive of your life goals here at card-mate support services. Or maybe just lay up *chuckle*."
And I'm like. Dude. Why. Do I ask for pep talks? Do I give them to you? Can you not tell when someone is trying to concentrate?
I tried really hard to focus on my task, but the emotional investment and attention I would put towards making my putt was diverted towards parsing my buddy's narrative. I didn't have much in the tank and was already cranky like I said, too. We know how the story ends, from a possible 2 to a 7.
And for the life of me, I can't tell if he's just being enthusiastic and like a yappy dog that's just glad about $hit, or if he's got some kind of nervous verbal tic that makes him need to project positivity in situations like this--like this is what he'd say to himself and what he'd want to hear from someone who cared about him.
Whoa. Sorry to get so meta.
Anyways. It's got me thinking I'm not sure I can play with this dude even though he's a good dude. Even if he was straight up trying to jack my ****, I'm fine with that. I was cranky af after all and melting down.
But I wanted to see just how out of touch and cranky I was...
After my 6-putt, I told my buddy that I didn't want his pep talks when I was getting ready to putt, and I tried to keep it as plainspoken and direct as possible, not attributional, but I was still in meltdown mode (pro tip: not the right time to deliver my message). He did not seem to reflect on my perspective in a meaningful way and took it as though he did nothing wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I'm done playing with this dude...and this is the second time I've had this feeling after a round with him. Last time was his blow-up.
I'll hang up now.
Looking for the community take on the 'supportive card-mate' who offers 'pep talks' and intrudes on your focus when the clock is running on your shot...even if it's well-intentioned and objectively friendly.
Most of the time we both look at it as an exercise in mental toughness. Don't let the mistakes get you down. Don't give in to self-pity. Don't ... give in.
Well the other day we played a round and I lost my **** a little bit. Went from CTP birdie look on a spiky hilltop pin placement to a six-putt quad. Went from best score to not-so-best score.
I ran my birdie putt instead of laying up, this was a mistake that lead to the big score. Whatevs, be aggressive, right? Walking off the tee, another dude on the card said "you gonna run that?" and I said "f no". I knew the correct answer, and I think I was a bit frustrated that I allowed myself to sacrifice winning the card for the sake of aggressiveness.
Ok. So the birdie miss trickles to a 15-20' straight uphill par bid.
This is when supportive card-mate says "you got this man, you live for this" kind of an inside joke, some banter, etc. But I was irritated with the missed birdie putt, the bad kick, lack of sleep, unexplained planetary day shortening, whatever. So when I hear this supportive talk, and I really just want to sink this putt and move on, I get irritated.
The exact mental transaction is "dude, I don't actually want you throwing expectations on me and driving some personal narrative because you need to hear yourself talk right now, could you please s t f u? This is hard enough as it is to focus on this damned tasked of emptying my mind prior to throwing this stupid f'in circle into this basket."
And I don't want to hold up the card, I was CTP and everyone else laid up and picked up their disc. I just had to clean up my birdie miss. It was a routine putt that I make 95% of the time--I'm regarded an exceptionally good putter in certain circles.
So I don't take a minute to clear my mind, and I fire my putt while still miffed at my buddy's chatter. I'm pretty certain it's well-meaning, but no one else I play with is always delivering little pep talks as I'm trying to relax, empty, and focus on making a putt. What's his deal?
Now, as I write this I'm aware how it comes across. I was cranky af. That's just a fact. My buddy was being supportive.
So then we go to the bogey attempt. My par bid hit chains but rolled down the other side of the hill. Now I've got a long comebacker, and this is when I tend to dig deep and just shut the world out and handle my business.
This is when my buddy goes into extended pep talk mode. As I'm behind the marker, eyeing the basket with disc in hand. Paraphrasing, "alright dude, you got this. Just mumble mumble (trying to tune him out) happy noises. We're very supportive of your life goals here at card-mate support services. Or maybe just lay up *chuckle*."
And I'm like. Dude. Why. Do I ask for pep talks? Do I give them to you? Can you not tell when someone is trying to concentrate?
I tried really hard to focus on my task, but the emotional investment and attention I would put towards making my putt was diverted towards parsing my buddy's narrative. I didn't have much in the tank and was already cranky like I said, too. We know how the story ends, from a possible 2 to a 7.
And for the life of me, I can't tell if he's just being enthusiastic and like a yappy dog that's just glad about $hit, or if he's got some kind of nervous verbal tic that makes him need to project positivity in situations like this--like this is what he'd say to himself and what he'd want to hear from someone who cared about him.
Whoa. Sorry to get so meta.
Anyways. It's got me thinking I'm not sure I can play with this dude even though he's a good dude. Even if he was straight up trying to jack my ****, I'm fine with that. I was cranky af after all and melting down.
But I wanted to see just how out of touch and cranky I was...
After my 6-putt, I told my buddy that I didn't want his pep talks when I was getting ready to putt, and I tried to keep it as plainspoken and direct as possible, not attributional, but I was still in meltdown mode (pro tip: not the right time to deliver my message). He did not seem to reflect on my perspective in a meaningful way and took it as though he did nothing wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I'm done playing with this dude...and this is the second time I've had this feeling after a round with him. Last time was his blow-up.
I'll hang up now.
Looking for the community take on the 'supportive card-mate' who offers 'pep talks' and intrudes on your focus when the clock is running on your shot...even if it's well-intentioned and objectively friendly.