Disc Golfing with a Panic Disorder

[bucky926]

I started writing a blog about being a disc golfer who has also been diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. I know that many people deal with this, and I also believe it sheds light on a part of the game that many may not know about.

I thought I'd share it here and see what everyone thinks. Link is below.

http://discgolflv.wordpress.com/

Also, I'm not sure what the rules are around here about posting a link to my blog. I'd like to post in this thread every now and again when I write something I think is worth sharing.

 

[zenbot]

Wow. I'm really glad you posted this. Thanks for having the courage to bring it out in the open. Who knows how many other people suffer from the same thing and don't realize other people are in the same boat?

 

[Huk Finn]

I read it. Great job on not taking a DNF. Sounds like quite a battle. I have to find a restroom before each player meeting myself. But that is more physical than mental for me. Just keep playing, it should get better each time. I'll pray for you. Peace.

 

[bucky926]

Thanks guys. It's strange to write this blog. In person I'm very reserved because of my disorder. When I write, I'm able to get all the junk in my head out. Local guys read my blog and in a way I'm exposing my inner life to them. It's a strange dynamic, but I want others who have to deal with this to know that it can be openly expressed.

I'm glad some folks do enjoy it and it's cathartic to get it all out. Keep reading!

 

[McBurdy]

I've experienced both those things, but less in conjunction w/ one another and too a lesser severity.
That's pretty strong of you too go even though you felt that way. Since no problems the day before, you know it was your excitement/nerves/etc that caused onset. i've been there. couple questions/suggestions. Why not take the medication the night before/morning of? sure you'd rather kick ass without the drugs, but lesser of two evils? good blog and good luck with overcoming the setbacks

 

[bucky926]

I've experienced both those things, but less in conjunction w/ one another and too a lesser severity.
That's pretty strong of you too go even though you felt that way. Since no problems the day before, you know it was your excitement/nerves/etc that caused onset. i've been there. couple questions/suggestions. Why not take the medication the night before/morning of? sure you'd rather kick ass without the drugs, but lesser of two evils? good blog and good luck with overcoming the setbacks

I'm actually still wondering what brought it on to begin with. I don't get too jittery before tourneys because I know almost everyone there and they are good people. The meds I take are on an as needed basis (if you know them, it's klonopin (clonazapam). I tried the SSRI route, but the SSRIs made things much much worse. The klonopin mitigates the problem, but also makes me a bit too loopy to play golf (haha). I'm in an ongoing discussion with my therapist about what the best route is for me seeing as how SSRIs seem to just exacerbate the issue.

 

[Oklahyzer]

I saved the link and will have to read it later, but up front I want to say I think it's awesome that you're doing this. I've had a couple of friends, one of which I knew very well, who suffered from this, so I know how difficult it is. Writing and journaling is great to begin with, but sharing it publicly is really an even better step that takes confidence, bravery, and trust. Kudos to you, man! Another friend of mine is doing something similar regarding Aspberger's syndrome. It's really been fascinating, but also has helped his friends and family understand, and thus strengthened those relationships and benefited him a lot.

I know it's easy to say, but don't stress too much about it all...the origins, the present time, the future, etc. Almost all disorders are manageable for as long as they stick around, and some may go away entirely with time and effort (i.e. therapy and work). This is one of those. This is a really positive and healthy step toward getting through it. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for doing this and sharing it! Looking forward to reading your blog a bit later....

 

[Ripper]

Honestly from someone who used to be scared to goto grocery stores, and even gas stations. I used to goto parking lots for job interviews and just leave because I was so terrified of meeting the people, or possible co workers and going to school was an everyday traumatic fear. Everytime something bad happened I always acted like it was a terrible crisis, and my first response would always be move away, start new somewhere else thinking for some reason that would make it better. I can't talk to people or convey myself, i've always felt like I had to analyze every word I say to someone and then fear that they are going to take it the wrong way or be upset. Reason why I got into disc golf was that it was one of the only sports were I could play alone and be with my thoughts, otherwise i'm always just reading. Always had shocks of pure and utter fear, and paranoia. Lived with it for a long time and it degrades your quality of life substantially. Granted i'm still horrible in almost all social situations, etc the one thing that I did that was beneficial was join toastmasters from advice from my doctor. Those videos I put up of me playing Idlewild, etc last year were from advice from Toastmasters to help get over fear of judgement by others. It didn't work and quickly took it down because I thought family, locals or friends would laugh at me LOL but it's helped me immensely though on meeting people face to face. The older I get it seems to be subsiding and I used to have to have all new clothes, especially socks anytime I went to friends houses or dates. After said date I would question every word I said, and analyze almost every moment of the conversation. Always envy those people that had allot of self confidence because I never did. I could go on and on but I know exactly what you mean about being more worried about looking like a fool. Your body shuts down and mind will to really weird things to you. You are doing something very good by expressing it and I hope you find answers. Even now I fear even going to doubles or local tournaments unless I know certain people are there. It's like you know your mind is doing it to you but you can't break from it and it's just utter fear of being judged by other people. I, can tell by your writing style that you think about this constantly.

 

[Ripper]

Sorry about about wording and grammar above post but it's 1:30 am and should have bene in bed 4 hrs ago, but even though if you do have some free time I always found comfort in reading Adam Smith's theory of Moral Sentiment Chapter 2. Just it's about how people interact with grief and sorrow. I always found that I had to think things through and for whatever reason when reading about how certain people who have the same griefs interact I've always found it to help explain things. Just good luck to you man and hope you get some good tournaments in not from a scoring stand point but a mental standpoint.

 

[Cnote]

I'm actually still wondering what brought it on to begin with. I don't get too jittery before tourneys because I know almost everyone there and they are good people. The meds I take are on an as needed basis (if you know them, it's klonopin (clonazapam). I tried the SSRI route, but the SSRIs made things much much worse. The klonopin mitigates the problem, but also makes me a bit too loopy to play golf (haha). I'm in an ongoing discussion with my therapist about what the best route is for me seeing as how SSRIs seem to just exacerbate the issue.

My wife also has panic disorder, and she had trouble with SSRI's making the feelings worse too, but then she tried another older (proven) SSRI and it worked much better. It has really helped her out in feeling normal. So if you haven't you might want to try SSRI's again. I am in no way a doctor, but seeing my wife happy and outgoing again is awesome, so I thought I'd share a success story.

 

[austin234]

i havent read the blog yet but i will because i have panic disorder and i know how hard it can make things. normal everyday things that are no big deal to most can totally f*ck with me and throw me into a panic. id say i have mild agoraphobia, in that for whatever reason i dont really like to leave town unless im with family or my girlfriend. if im not comfortable in a situation its not just a little bit, its ALOT. sometimes it makes it hard to work just be by myself. keeping my mind occupied helps alot but if i have time to worry about it i do and it always makes things worse

thanks for writing your blog, as shiiitty as it is, its nice to know im not the only person/disc golfer that feels this way. its a pretty hard thing to deal with, but id rather be alive and deal with it than be dead lol

i dont usually have problems when im playing disc unless i shank my drive down a huge hill yhen have to walk back up and get winded. then i cant breath and it makes me panic for a little bit and thats always fun. not alot of my friends know about my problem so i have to panic to myself, which is pretty hard to do when youre in fight or flight mode. and for some reason when i get to the farthest out hole if i think about it i freak out a little sometimes. good old brain! thinking seems to be about the worst thing i can do haha

 

[vonDrehle]

Luckily I never seem to have problems when I am out disc golfing. I don't know if it's just knowing I already have something in common with the people I'm meeting that makes it easier pr what but it is definitely easier on the DG Course then other places. But I don't really get what I would call attacks just extreme uneasiness and nervousness. Of course when going out to play I still prefer to go at times when I know it will usually just be me out there even though I know a majority of the locals by name.

 

[Agricolae]

Bucky, your writing hits home. I'm another who dealt with panic-anxiety. In my teens through 30's I didn't know what it was and simply tried the "deal with it and don't talk about it" method. Good for you for finding out earlier than I did that that method doesn't work. Giving up self-medication made a vast improvement and a daily low-dose SSRI means I no longer even think about it. It *does* get better! Good for you for taking these positive steps in your 20's.

 

[DeadEye]

I have mild panic disorder. Has more to do with school than anything, Disc golf actually seems to help it. I'm a competitor at heart and love to strive to be the best, so I just have to work through it.

 

[dorseymatt]

As both a psychotherapist and avid disc golfer, I really enjoyed this blog on several levels. Thanks for writing!

 

[WillGrrr]

I searched and found the other thread by Bikinimower, but I couldn't bump it due to its age.

Living with panic/ anxiety is no joke. bucky's blog is worth the read.

 

[bucky926]

Wow guys. I was away from the computer today and came back to find a lot of positive comments. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and give me some comments. It is tough living with this, but being able to express it staves off the inevitable feelings of loneliness that come with being abnormal. I hope you keep reading. I'll bump this every now and again when I write something worthwhile.

 

[JeCroisQue]

Nice blog, I enjoyed reading that. One of my buddies has occasional panic attacks, though not as severe as your condition, but it gave me some perspective to what he goes through. I have a lot of anxiety, but it's mostly due to my medication, and not really similar to what you go through. I find disc golf (especially when I play by myself) is a positive way to get away from the pressures of life, almost like meditation. Keep up with the posts I would like to read more.

 

[dtuba]

Thanks for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to put this out. You are not alone, we are all going down this bumpy road called Life together.

 

[BrotherDave]

I searched and found the other thread by Bikinimower, but I couldn't bump it due to its age.

Living with panic/ anxiety is no joke. bucky's blog is worth the read.

You can bump it, you just have to check this little box at the bottom of the page.

---------------------------------------------------------


I read most of the blog, definitely a good read. I'm thankful that among my myriad of problems, this anxiety/panic disorder isn't among them. Definitely some deep ish and I won't even try to relate. Good on you for having courage and dealing with it so well (even if you don't think so, you are). :thmbup: