Playing Through Etiquette

[burdphil]

The problem with this is that I hate playing through. I avoid playing tournaments or events because I don't like people (other than friends) watching me throw... I just don't throw as well when people watch.

As a card carrying introvert, I can relate to this attitude, but I also knew when I started to get "serious" about trying to improve my game that the best way to do so was to learn to play with other people. My advice to you is to find a local handicap league in your area and participate on a regular basis. This is what I did and it helped me out a ton. Here's why handicap leagues are perfect for your situation...

1) They are low key so you don't have the weird sense of pressure that you sometimes get at tournaments.

2) You're playing against your own previous scores, not the other players' scores... again, this diffuses that weird sense of pressure.

3) They draw a wide variety of skill levels, so it's easy to feel like you fit in no matter how good you are.

4) They are usually random draw so everyone is mixed together pretty well, and the format in general has sort of a built in sense of camaraderie and acceptance for all players.

Based on your original post, the first couple of weeks at a handicap league would probably be somewhat stressful for you, but it really would help you get used to playing around other people in a relaxed, open, and accepting environment. Once you get comfortable throwing around other people in that situation, then having to play through won't seem like as big of a hassle.

Just a thought...

 

[Puckstopper]

Would you talk like this face to face with the op? I doubt it. If you in fact do behave similar to this then maybe I understand why the group wouldn't let you pass.

I would. I wouldn't scream or berate him, but he needs to toughen up a little bit, and so do you if having someone offer direct and somewhat blunt criticism gets your panties in this big of a wad. And the discussion is about being rude by not playing through, not people being rude and not allowing you through. :doh:

A few points for the OP:

The group you're playing through does not care about you, does not care about how you throw, and will have forgotten your existence within 5 minutes. I've never wasted time in a round mocking some random guy's throwing style (we all have something to learn still, right?) and even if the random hit a 300' ace we wouldn't talk about it for more than a minute. This may sound mean but it's true, and if you can convince yourself that it doesn't matter how you throw with people watching, you'll play better.

Playing down the hole with you is the proper etiquette for playing through. It speeds things up for everyone behind you, and should alleviate some of the pressure of them watching you throw. After all, you're watching them too. Just putt out first and get to the next tee, or maybe ask to play a few holes with them if you're not practicing something specific. My usual group always welcomes random singles, and enjoy playing with new people regardless of skill level. If you're in Central Ohio we're playing Hoover at 5pm today, and will have my wife and another guys girlfriend with us. Both of them are playing a longer course for the first time, and there's no way you'll be the "worst" one out there, so no need to be self conscious. Feel free to join up. I'll have the DGCR travel tag on a black backpack.

Don't push things, but don't be scared either. Jumping right into a PDGA tourney may not be the way to go, but there are tons of fun tourneys coming up (Birdie Bash, MVP Circuit, Legacy Battle of the Aces, Ace Race) where everyone is out for a good time and won't care about your skill level, throwing style, or any of that nonsense. These are good "ice-breaker" events, and they're all the organized disc golf I've played until May when I try my first PDGA tourney.

I played lots of solo rounds until recently, and now it's more of an occasional thing for me. Playing solo it's easy to get wrapped up in an "it's all about me" mindset, although for me it was the opposite of you. I got upset and played poorly if NOT allowed to play through. Regardless, I had to learn to remember that it was not my course, and that I could either relax and get some practice in, or storm off and not get any better. Storming off is a weakling's choice, but to each their own.

 

[Aim For The Chains]

Would you talk like this face to face with the op? I doubt it. If you in fact do behave similiar to this then maybe I understand why the group wouldn't let you pass.

Yeah? Its called being real with someone. YOU ARE JUST OUT PLAYING THE COURSE NO MATTER WHAT.. Its YOU VS THE COURSE. Why stress over nothing? I have decided to not play through groups ALLLLLLL the time. Its no big deal either way when using a little communication.

Lol this would be like being mad at someone for letting you go ahead of them in a checkout or on a waiting list. If you are just out doing YOU, then DO YOU!

Disc Golfers are strange creatures...

 

[DatRedDude]

As a card carrying introvert, I can relate to this attitude, but I also knew when I started to get "serious" about trying to improve my game that the best way to do so was to learn to play with other people. My advice to you is to find a local handicap league in your area and participate on a regular basis. This is what I did and it helped me out a ton. Here's why handicap leagues are perfect for your situation...

1) They are low key so you don't have the weird sense of pressure that you sometimes get at tournaments.

2) You're playing against your own previous scores, not the other players' scores... again, this diffuses that weird sense of pressure.

3) They draw a wide variety of skill levels, so it's easy to feel like you fit in no matter how good you are.

4) They are usually random draw so everyone is mixed together pretty well, and the format in general has sort of a built in sense of camaraderie and acceptance for all players.

Based on your original post, the first couple of weeks at a handicap league would probably be somewhat stressful for you, but it really would help you get used to playing around other people in a relaxed, open, and accepting environment. Once you get comfortable throwing around other people in that situation, then having to play through won't seem like as big of a hassle.

Just a thought...

This is a good post, this same league he speaks of is what got me out of my shell.

When i first started playing is was me and a buddy and we knew nothing. The one thing i did know was if i didn't branch out and play some organized leagues or tourneys then i wasn't going to get better. Now getting better may not be your main concern but a setting like this really is as laid back as many on here have made it out to be. Almost all that i have met are very helpful and most were once in your same shoes now knowing anyone.

Just like real life though there are dbags. There are internet dbags on this thread that probably aren't the same person in real life. Its easy to be a keyboard bully.

Branching out is the best thing i did from a disc golf standpoint, i have met some really cool interesting people but on the other end of the spectrum i have met some really horrible people. The good outweigh the bad by a 50-1 ratio. so take that for whats is worth.

 

[DatRedDude]

I don't think a lot of people really understand social anxiety disorders and how much they can affect you. Its not as easy as man up or grow some balls as much as many of it wish it was.

 

[Discette]

this is one of the weirdest threads ive ever read. Holy **** just be a little bit social and play the game.

As for playing through I agree its like a highway. Lots of new players in bigger groups need to understand how the flow works. Ran into a gang of idiots bottle necking Blue Ribbon Pines who decided to quit halfway through thankfully but wouldn't let my buddy and I pass -- even after trying to explain to them how it all works.......

OP, wtf?!

Would you talk like this face to face with the op? I doubt it. If you in fact do behave similiar to this then maybe I understand why the group wouldn't let you pass.

Some folks don't have any empathy for shy people and prefer this approach to psychology:

 

[bradharris]

Some folks don't have any empathy for shy people and prefer this approach to psychology:

I've always been very shy, so I can certainly understand where the OP is coming from. But my advice remains the same: build your own course, or learn to interact better with people.

Whenever you use a public resource, you have to be willing to share that resource appropriately, and that may involve interacting and communicating with others who are also using that resource.

 

[DeadEye]

I don't think a lot of people really understand social anxiety disorders and how much they can affect you. Its not as easy as man up or grow some balls as much as many of it wish it was.

Yea it is...

I hate people, but after high school I started forcing myself to go out to parties and stuff.. Soon enough I had 5-10 real close friends I'd hang out with every day. I used to play by myself and practically refuse to play with anyone else on the DG course, then I became one of the better players, me and a buddy started a local club. I still dislike people for the most part, but I've forced myself to 'man up and grow some balls'.

 

[scarpfish]

To me, taking on a hobby where you're going to be in a public place and getting to meet people who have a similar interest is a great way to get over your social anxiety fears. Once the OP breaks the ice with someone, getting acquainted with a few others should be a little easier, even if his circle of friends never gets beyond that.

One great benefit of disc golf is that its as social or solitary as you wish to make it.

 

[akray21]

I don't think a lot of people really understand social anxiety disorders and how much they can affect you. Its not as easy as man up or grow some balls as much as many of it wish it was.

Exactly. If someone asks some of you people how they can improve their disc golf form, do you say "no one cares, just man up and throw better"... no, no one says that, but that is essentially what you are saying.

And to all of "you people"... Don't think that I care what you think of my throw, I never said I did. And don't assume that I am afraid of strangers, because there is no "fear" involved.

 

[Aim For The Chains]

so what is the issue? If you don't want to play through that bad just communicate it and understand you wont be playing fast. Otherwise do the normal thing and keep your round flowing-- just play!

 

[KniceZ]

To the OP - as a couple others have commented, please realize that as a fast playing single you are potentially causing the players in the slow group ahead of you anxiety. When I'm out playing a casual round I generally pay a lot of attention to who's coming up behind. It's not that I'm concerned with them watching me play it's just that I'm usually a very impatient person. (I'm considering mounting rocket launchers on my car to clear traffic - but that's another thread.) I expect those coming up behind me to be impatient as well and don't want to hold them up. So I rush my shots and get frustrated when folks I'm playing with are slow.

If you don't want to play through then throw multiple discs, practice putt, whatever. Don't play fast then, walk up to the pad and watch me finish out and refuse to play through when I ask you to get off my tail.

 

[DatRedDude]

Yea it is...

I hate people, but after high school I started forcing myself to go out to parties and stuff.. Soon enough I had 5-10 real close friends I'd hang out with every day. I used to play by myself and practically refuse to play with anyone else on the DG course, then I became one of the better players, me and a buddy started a local club. I still dislike people for the most part, but I've forced myself to 'man up and grow some balls'.

We will agree to disagree on this.

Glad it worked out for you, but your story isn't the same as the next guy.

Its easy to say not knowing someones back round that they should grow some balls but until you have walked a day in their shoes the judgement should be held back. However this is the interwebz and its just how it works on forums.


To the OP keep being you and keep playing this wonderful game, if you choose to open up and play some leagues and meeting some new people i think for the most part you will be pleasantly surprised.

 

[bradharris]

Exactly. If someone asks some of you people how they can improve their disc golf form, do you say "no one cares, just man up and throw better"... no, no one says that, but that is essentially what you are saying.

And to all of "you people"... Don't think that I care what you think of my throw, I never said I did. And don't assume that I am afraid of strangers, because there is no "fear" involved.

What is it you're looking for then?

You asked about etiquette for playing through or declining. The general consensus has been that the best etiquette is to play through quickly in order to keep the flow on the course. Don't get upset because you don't like that answer.

For someone with social anxiety, that seems like playing through is the better option. Otherwise you'll end up awkwardly running up on the slow group for the rest of the round and you run the risk of having other slow groups catch up to you so that you're now sandwiched between them.

If you just play through, you can cruise forward without worrying about any of the large groups behind you.

 

[akray21]

What is it you're looking for then?

You asked about etiquette for playing through or declining. The general consensus has been that the best etiquette is to play through quickly in order to keep the flow on the course. Don't get upset because you don't like that answer.

For someone with social anxiety, that seems like playing through is the better option. Otherwise you'll end up awkwardly running up on the slow group for the rest of the round and you run the risk of having other slow groups catch up to you so that you're now sandwiched between them.

If you just play through, you can cruise forward without worrying about any of the large groups behind you.

I don't mind the responses saying that it is best etiquette to play through, that is what I was asking. I was just saying the comments telling me to stay off the course or simply "man up" and such were not needed.

I appreciate most of the feedback I have gotten.

 

[The Hammer]

OP,
Did this situation happen over the weekend in Arizona, by chance? I ask because this seems like exactly what happened when my doubles group let a single play through. Dude seemed pissed that we let him play through, and we were playing out the same hole. We thought we were being courteous.......

 

[JC17393]

I'll chime in as someone else with shyness and social anxiety issues. Having those problems isn't something that is incurable...but it's not like there is specialized therapy or drugs to magically fix it (okay, maybe there are drugs that can help...just not the prescription kind ). Really the only cure is to "suck it up" and push through it. So I don't get the hostility toward the folks that are essentially saying just that. Maybe they can say it nicer, but bottom line is they're right.

 

[akray21]

OP,
Did this situation happen over the weekend in Arizona, by chance? I ask because this seems like exactly what happened when my doubles group let a single play through. Dude seemed pissed that we let him play through, and we were playing out the same hole. We thought we were being courteous.......

No it was not in AZ. But this is why I was asking, to see if this is the normal etiquette. If so that is fine, just not what I am comfortable with.

 

[Hampstead]

The other day I scolded two kids who were attempting to play through while I was putting. Their drives landed about 15' from me. I didn't tell them to play through, they just chose to do so on their own. After the scolding (in my best angry dad voice), they quickly walked away back to the parking lot.

I have no problem letting people play through if the situation calls for it but don't ever throw at me without permission.

 

[The Hammer]

No it was not in AZ. But this is why I was asking, to see if this is the normal etiquette. If so that is fine, just not what I am comfortable with.

Ah gotcha. Just seemed eerily similar to my encounter. Around here it is totally normal. Have you ever considered using headphones to help you tune out other people if you find them distracting?