Zanguini
Birdie Member
No politics in this thread please.
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What's your best Disc Golf jokes of all time
- Thread starter Top10z
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
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- 2,411
Off the seventh tee, Joe shanked his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his wraith and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost disc. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was a wraith in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, 'Jack, I've got trouble down here!'
'What's the matter?' Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
'Bring me my gator,' Joe shouted. 'You can't get out of here with a wraith!'
Joe immediately called out to his friend, 'Jack, I've got trouble down here!'
'What's the matter?' Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
'Bring me my gator,' Joe shouted. 'You can't get out of here with a wraith!'
The Shide
Casual lurker
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- Jul 24, 2010
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- 937
recently paul ulibari told steve dodge a funny story from the road about a nameless disc golfer constantly whinning about a putter that wouldn't get in the basket. after another clanked putt, josh anthon, also on the card, walks over & picks up the offending disc. walks back to his lie, slams the putter into the chains. takes it out of the basket, returns it to the whiney players lie and says, "dude, it's not the disc."
sorry about no capitalization. hate this lenovo keyboard layout.
sorry about no capitalization. hate this lenovo keyboard layout.
Tripper
Double Eagle Member
Fortunately Josh didn't emphasize his point by running the whinner over with an RV.
beereakfast
Eagle Member
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- Nov 7, 2009
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- 646
Apple zombies?
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- Nov 20, 2012
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- 2,411
The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to nail this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down one stroke on the final hole, the golfer needs an ace to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly.", then throws the disc and it lands in the basket.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down one stroke on the final hole, the golfer needs an ace to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly.", then throws the disc and it lands in the basket.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
joecoin
* Ace Member *
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The local weekly dg league had a male and female player who were passing acquaintances that never took much interest in each other personally.
One day, the girl showed up with her new understable driver from MVP. Something clicked between them and later that night they gave into their desires. You could say they did it on Impulse.
One day, the girl showed up with her new understable driver from MVP. Something clicked between them and later that night they gave into their desires. You could say they did it on Impulse.
ILUVSMGS18
Just Another Disc Hoarder
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- Oct 31, 2014
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That Amped me up. It also Inspired me to keep up these puns. Shocking isn't it? I feel like I'm Defying people's requests to stop as I'm typing this. You might have to keep your Ion me in this thread.
joecoin
* Ace Member *
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Don't stop now. Keep Kraken those jokes.
The next day her sister came to town. She had a couple of Quest AT discs she could hardly keep in their bag. They were a nice pair of Double D's. Lots of guys wanted to Unlace them.
Unfortunately, his butt was Dragon in the Aftermath, so he told his #1 Driver to drop him off at the MD. He says, "Doc, I'm feeling kinda Thor, can you help me?" The doc says, "Saint nuthin' I can do." He says, "Fine, I'll go down to Delivery and talk to de horse doctor." Doc says, "Suture self."
The horse doctor says, "What the Falk you talking about, I don't Servo humans." By this time our hero was feeling XLent, so he decided to head home and Slammer. He got out his Sinus (he thought he might Slayer with it) but I'm Talon you, it was all in Vein. The house was empty. "Whale I'll be", he thought. "She disappeared without a Trace."
teemkey
* Ace Member *
In honor of our new Champ...
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
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- 2,411
Getting Permission to Play Golf
Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint three rooms in the house next weekend."
The second guy said "That nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."
The third guy said "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."
They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house. So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said 'Wear your sweater'"
Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, "you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint three rooms in the house next weekend."
The second guy said "That nothing. I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool."
The third guy said "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her."
They continued to play several more holes when they realized that the fourth guy had not said a word about how he managed to get out of the house. So the first guy said, "You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
The fourth guy smiled and said "Well, I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave my wife a nudge and said 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said 'Wear your sweater'"
- Joined
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- 2,411
Two friends who were playing golf on a fine morning saw a funeral procession passing by.
One of the friends who was about to throw, stopped mid-way, took off his cap and bowed down.
The other friend was overwhelmed by this gesture and asked him, "You are kind and truly a gentleman. I have never seen such a thoughtful person.
The friend replied, "Yes, I was married to her for 35 years."
One of the friends who was about to throw, stopped mid-way, took off his cap and bowed down.
The other friend was overwhelmed by this gesture and asked him, "You are kind and truly a gentleman. I have never seen such a thoughtful person.
The friend replied, "Yes, I was married to her for 35 years."
Streets
* Ace Member *
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Couples Alternate Shot Tournament
The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament", but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of marital harmony.
He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 350 feet down the middle of the fairway.
When they reached the disc, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just throw it towards the basket, hon, anywhere around there will be fine."
She proceeded to shank the disc deep into the woods.
Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the disc. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the disc just five feet from the basket.
Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is gently put it into the basket." She threw it toward the basket, but it went right off the lip and rolled into the woods again.
The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the forest, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly canned the shot from there.
Retrieving the disc from the basket he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole."
She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5* shots were mine!"
The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament", but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of marital harmony.
He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 350 feet down the middle of the fairway.
When they reached the disc, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just throw it towards the basket, hon, anywhere around there will be fine."
She proceeded to shank the disc deep into the woods.
Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the disc. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the disc just five feet from the basket.
Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is gently put it into the basket." She threw it toward the basket, but it went right off the lip and rolled into the woods again.
The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the forest, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly canned the shot from there.
Retrieving the disc from the basket he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole."
She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5* shots were mine!"
