Wife says "Change hobbies…"

[TheDudeAbides]

1. disc golf is not a "hobby" it is a way of life.
2. I lost almost 20 lbs. playing this past summer.
3. Watch Forensic Files. You will get all kinds of good "ideas".

 

[Johnny_Crunch]

Man up and tell her to find something else to bitch about cause you aren't quitting. And by the way, WTF are you doing saying sheet like "oh my god I need to lose 10 pounds"!.? Come on man! It's time to get your balls back out of her purse, strap them on and be a Man! Damn it son. Do it for yourself, do it for mankind, do it for your country, do it for you balls! They need you.

 

[charris414]

Some real advice from a fellow father ...

I'm 36 and I've been playing since 2004, and my wife has always been relatively supportive of my disc golf obsession. She knows that this is one of the ways I satisfy my need to be outside, to be social with a diverse group of friends, and quell some competitiveness that would otherwise manifest itself in games of scrabble played for blood. We've been married since 2007 and have two kids (a 4-year old boy and a 9-month old girl), which has significantly reduced the number of casual rounds and tournaments I get to go to.

But she's never told me not to play, I've just compromised and accepted that with two small kids, my time is more valuable at home or out with my family. To counter-balance the Sunday league round, I do a TON of work around the house on Saturdays and early Sunday mornings. I do all of the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, and general cleaning I can. I'm the one who gets up early with the kids at 6am so she can get some extra sleep. In return, I stay home on Sunday afternoons with both kids so she can go out and get some time alone for herself.

We try to make Saturdays our family day (go to the movies, run errands together, etc), and make Sundays our day to be adults.

If you truly love disc golf, she'll understand that, and if she doesn't, you should sit down with her and explain why you love it. Make the time for her that she needs, make the time for your kids that they need, and she'll understand that you need time for yourself. And if she truly thinks disc golf isn't exercise and that's why she doesn't want you to play, show her a bunch of videos of top pros crushing discs, and then have her try to say why disc golf isn't athletic.

 

[Jashwa]

It sounds to me like this might be a request she'll only be making every thirty days or so...

 

[joecoin]

How much time do you spend talking about it at home? Being online reading reviews and sites. For my wife that was a bigger problem than playing. I get addicted to hobbies and kinda go full bore.

I understand how that can get annoying for some of those around me so I try to curb that side of it a bit. I stoped sleeping with my discs and I'm trying to stop carrying my bag with us when we go to the grocery store.
...
.

Well, at least you still take your discs into the shower with you. You do, don't you?

 

[kingjames1014]

 

[iacas]

6 years ago I was heavy into rock climbing and biking.

Six years ago was before you had a kid. Now you have THREE.

I've got ONE and I know how much time they can take - I can't imagine having three under the age of six.

It may seem like 3 or 4 hours a week to you (including travel and prep???), but if she's the one constantly dealing with the kids when she's not at work (if she works - it's worse if she's at home dealing with the kids all day), that's an eternity. You said she doesn't have hobbies? Perhaps she doesn't have the TIME for them, while you always make time for your hobby.

I suggest strict bedtimes to give you and your wife time at night to relax and be together. I suggest you investigate how much you truly do around the house, and not just the "man" chores, but taking care of the kids, too. Do all that you can to give her four+ hours of completely free time without any worries about the kids at all. Can you do it?

But she's never told me not to play, I've just compromised and accepted that with two small kids, my time is more valuable at home or out with my family. To counter-balance the Sunday league round, I do a TON of work around the house on Saturdays and early Sunday mornings. I do all of the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, and general cleaning I can. I'm the one who gets up early with the kids at 6am so she can get some extra sleep. In return, I stay home on Sunday afternoons with both kids so she can go out and get some time alone for herself.

Happy wife, happy life.

 

[BionicRib]

I'd talk to her. I have no idea what it is like to have a wife that complains about the time I take to play disc golf (and believe me I play about 3 times as much as you do), but my wife also plays most rounds with me and is a 878 rated player.....she even out throws and out plays some of the people we play with. If you enjoy playing (and for god sakes if the kids like to play) then she should really figure out a way to compromise. Unless there are other reasons you're not telling us......like your ex girlfriend is disc golfer, or the hot neighbors backyard backs up to the disc golf course yada yada yada.

 

[Halcón]

^^ Iacas, this is why I only play one round a week. You can't be a family man and a disc golf man IF your wife and kids are not into disc golf. It's one or the other.

 

[Broken Shoulder]

I hope your plastic is included in the prenup.
Kidding!
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, and we don't know the dynamics of the relationship. So I'll just say good luck. Communication is the most important thing.

 

[Jay Dub]

I wonder if she has a problem with disc golf itself. If not then do what you can to find a compromise with your wife. It will most probably mean you play even less golf for a few years but that's better than dropping it completely.

Iacasasaicasa, (or whatever his name is ) had some good ideas.

 

[BirdieMachine]

Simply sounds like she is jealous and feels left out, you are out having fun and she isn't. I would tell her she better get use to it because it's not changing. This is your hobby, not hers.

 

[DiscHurler]

Sounds like she needs a hobby - other than bashing disc golf.

 

[Midnightbiker]

My wife had a problem with me playing for a while, because she had no hobbies of her own, and not really any friends. Now, she has more friends, and when I am out playing , she goes out to lunch with her friends, or goes and gets her nails done, or what ever.

Sounds like your wife is upset because you are getting some social time , and she is not. She needs to find some friends, and go out some times while you watch the kids. She will be happier, and more refreshed.

 

[namar]

I was in a similar situation a few years back. As also recommended by several others, I tried to give her as much free time as the time I would spend away from home throwin disc by doing as much as possible around the house/yard. After numerous discussions it came down to her not really having any hobbies of her own so she had no good way to spend said free time (and the hormone craziness that comes with pregnant women, sweet jeeezus the craziness...) We now have a 3 year old son and another due in late April, so I've accepted that I won't be playing league in 2014, which is a bit of a bummer but hey man, family first.

It should be obvious, but open communication was and is key. Once we both knew why the other one felt the way they did, compromise was easy. She still doesn't have any solid hobbies, but she knows I NEED to play disc or I will go crazy. As a bonus, I can play all I want if I take the boy with me, and he digs it.

Good luck brother.

 

[TheArnoldPalmer]

Buy a motorcycle... That'll teach her to open her mouf next
Time!

 

[Darkgreen]

Your free time is your free time and her free time is her free time. Explain this to her and you should both sit down and examine how much time you each spend doing your own thing. If you both spend about equal free time and you both contribute to chores and time with the kids and you schedule a little time alone together regularly, then she has nothing to complain about. She should recognize that you love disc golf and from that she should WANT you to go play. That is what a loving partner does. If she does anything else then there is something wrong with her.

 

[b-mart]

At least you have a wife. I wouldn't give up my disc time for anything, so I wouldn't be able to choose one over the other, but I'd certainly put the work in to make both of them work. First problems I guess.

 

[TxViper3187]

Communication is the key to any good relationship (husband/wife, family, friends, etc) so asking for advice here can be helpful but your only option for a positive resolution is to sit down with her and discuss why she feels the way she does. Her feelings about your hobby are most likely a result of something completely different.

Like others have mentioned, her feeling about disc golf probably stem from her feeling like she doesn't get the free time you do or that she wishes you were using that time to help her with the children or housework. I am off work on Thursdays and Fridays and try to spend Thursday getting all of the housework caught up, bills paid, eat lunch with the kids at school, and whatever else needs done so that on Friday I can spend all day on the course throwing plastic discs in the park.

You mentioned your kids play with you sometimes and that is great. My kids like to go throw their putters as rollers in the spillway (completely dry) and climb on the bridge near Hole 12 but usually are not interested in walking an entire round with me unless it is a glow round during the summer. Try to get your wife to come with yall and make it a family event. Even if she doesn't play the kids will love being able to show Mommy how well they can throw.

Help your wife find something she is interested in so that you both have a hobby and it doesn't feel like you are the only one "going out". Hopefully the two of you are able to discuss what is going on and find a reasonable compromise that allows you to continue disc golfing and makes her happy as well.

 

[Hartley444]

I have the same problem and there is no cure. I find it best to do something that will make her thankful and say, someone asked me if I could play dg on this date. Do u mind? It seems if I am invited she does not wanna look controlling to the other person and I almost always get a sure. Also, planning asking/telling your going when its not around "that time of the month" helps. You don't have to win the battle as long as you win the war